How to become a DJ and not screw it up
Disclaimer. The editors of The Global Technology magazine insist that this article is for informational purposes only. We strongly recommend that you appreciate the humor of everything written below and we strongly do not recommend that you try technologies that you will find between the lines in the absence of a producer.
If you have firmly decided to move from whistling your favourite melodies to mixing tracks and therefore at this very moment you are unpacking with trepidation and hope your first DJ console, we invite you to take a DJ quest and meet some useful technologies that will help you find your place in the music world with feeling, plainly and empathetically.
Quest stage 1 – to understand apps for aspiring or advanced DJs
In order to become a DJ for sure, find a program called Native Instruments Traktor DJ or any other program that has scratches, loops and other musical equipment capabilities, and install it on your computer. Among already established DJs, there is an opinion that it is best to play tracks during a DJ set from the latest version of the iPad. This way everyone will truly understand how much you love new technologies and how well you understand innovations in music and technology.
After you install the music app, give yourself a pat on the back and move on to step two
Quest stage 2 – filling out a playlist
To move faster along the DJ path, you will have to navigate fashion trends, boldly talk about new music and, without forgetting about sound hygiene, consume only the freshest. Follow the sound, but be careful! Daily monitoring of YouTube Music and Apple Music will help you adapt to the wonderful world of new music, but it will destroy your soul by making you too tied to the musical preferences of bots.
After surfing services with the latest music from the world, pour yourself a glass of water and move on to the next stage
Quest stage 3 – creating a radiant image
Be the first to start talking about music, you are now a DJ! Remember that when discussing bands, you have only two options: unambiguous admiration or persistent condemnation. When starting a conversation about singers, don’t pretend! There is no need to pretend with the enthusiastic excitement that the next release of the #Q$ T$^ISV^&*%GDA team has hit your heart! You will quickly be caught in a lie when, after the fifth glass of Vermouth at a party, you will crawl aside to the sounds of that very #Q$ T$^ISV^&*%GDA and look at those around you with condemnation.
When discussing a new track, you should swear profusely:
‘Oh, dam#$^. I haven’t heard such sh*% since my school concerts!’
In DJ parlance, this can mean both delight and disappointment. And let those around you understand for themselves what you meant.
After you carefully practice dialogues in front of the mirror and hone dirty words, ventilate the room and move on to the next stage
Quest stage 4 – a difficult choice
Stop DJ blogging on a regular basis. If you think that “not a day without a note” is your way to get noticed and become a columnist for NME, you are wrong. This is just a way to bury your own passion for music under gigabytes of worthless audio raw materials that you may not have comprehended yet.
After the difficult choice: to be on social networks or not to be, restart your mobile phone and move on to the next step
Quest stage 5 – awareness
Don’t repeat the mistakes of other DJs. You shouldn’t get drunk before a concert and you shouldn’t take drugs while mixing tracks. You’ll ruin the show and upset the fans, and real promoters and venue managers will refuse to work with you.
Try not to be late for your own DJ set, even if everything is not ready for your set yet. This will make the promoter nervous, which, of course, should not be allowed.
It is strictly not recommended to come to concerts of other DJs and shout during their performances that you play better. Even if it’s true.
After making a no-no list, throw all the empty bottles left over from the last party into the trash bin and move on to the next step
Quest stage 6 – a low start
Learn to feel the desires of your audience. Practice with friends and any parties. Master the skill of instantly recognizing your interlocutors based on their musical preferences. Now for you, a playlist consisting of: Misfits “Die Monster Die” and BLVCK CEILING “WVFFLIFE” should be a strategic way to evaluate a person’s spiritual qualities. Listens to good old rock? Ah, well then everything is clear.
After a short hard training, coupled with monitoring favourite tracks of familiar faces, go jogging for a while and go to the bonus level
Bonus level – a mixture of music and physical capabilities of the body
As soon as you stand behind the DJ console for the first time, we recommend you immediately indicate that you are a musician and are capable of much. Especially for this, we have made a selection of the most famous poses from the DJ KAMA SUTRA, so that you can upgrade your DJ skills along with your skills in the art of seduction at the bonus level.
For novice DJs who, while mixing tracks, are frantically trying to remember what specific buttons on the remote control do and where the next track is, the ideal pose is the “Venus” pose
In this pose, you need to stand still, firmly holding the remote control sliders with both hands, turning them very slightly, only with your fingers. Try not to move the rest of your body, so that at the moment of an annoying hitch, people will think that it is not you, but a statue, who is standing behind the control panel.
Example: Aphex Twin
For more advanced DJs who have already figured out the remote control and mixing tracks, the suitable pose is the “Insta-Male” pose
In this position, you can simply stand next to the remote control and check updates on Instagram. Sometimes you have to take pictures of yourself right there, at the concert venue, and upload the pictures to the Internet.
If you have already mastered the fine art of making changes to music tracks here and now, why would you need to look away from social networks even during a DJ set?
Example: Thom Yorke
The following pose will give you, as a DJ, brutality and delay the onset of arthritis – it is the “Basketball player” pose
To follow this pose exactly, place your left hand on the spinner and use your right hand to feel an imaginary basketball. During the DJ set, it is recommended to change hands several times.
Example: Calvin Harris
The “Praise” pose is a pose that will help you show the public your exceptional mastery of the DJ console and all the techniques of the DJ Kama Sutra
Throw your arms up and swing them as hard as you can, creating energetic vibrations around you that can raise a hurricane. While the public is wondering what your movements are dedicated to – waving away the bees or praising the heavens, you can pay tribute to the Metallica group and make horns with your fingers.
Example: Avicii
This pose will set a good tone for the public and show what you are really worth
– that’s the “Clapperboard” Pose
While mixing tracks, choosing melodies and switching sounds, constantly clap your hands. This way you are guaranteed to receive a huge dose of applause from both yourself and the audience.
Example: Armin van Buuren
The “Oh, yes!” pose is a pose that will show that you don’t wear the proud title of DJ for nothing
When performing this pose, it is important to remember that you are not only a DJ, but also a human. Throw your head back, casually brush your hair back, raise your eyebrow and look languidly into the audience, trying to charm everyone on the dance floor.
Example: Mark Ronson
The “Now for sure, yes!” pose should under no circumstances be confused with the previous pose
The most important thing in performing this pose is not to miss the moment. When you, thanks to your incredible DJ techniques and already mastered poses from the DJ Kama Sutra, have won the attention of the public so much that they chant: “More! More!”, start undressing. You can pretend you’re hot and pour water on yourself from a bottle.
Example: Seth Troxler
This will be followed by several poses that will immediately show the public the depth of your perception of music and the colossal size of your image.
The “Crazy” pose
If you are a DJ, you are allowed to do anything. Run around the stage, jump, stomp your feet and don’t forget to sway your body intensely, surrendering to the rhythm set by the music. Completely surrender to the moment, throw your body as if not a single law of physics applies to it. Throw your head back as high as possible so that the audience can see through your nostrils all the richness of your inner world.
Example: Boys Noize
The “For you” pose
If you are playing in an open area, choose a point in the sky, if you are playing in an indoor area, choose a point on the ceiling, and during the DJ set, constantly point at the selected points with your finger. The public will think that you are either making contact with alien beings or pointing out the roughness of the world, and will not be able to take their eyes off you.
Example: David Guetta
After honing the positions from the DJ Kama Sutra, at the bonus level you can take a light shower and move on to relaxing meditations
Meditations are performed on a count (as you are now a DJ)
On one – relax your body and tense your mind. You’re at work and should be focused on your job – putting on the right music and mixing it well.
On two – you no longer identify yourself with songs and albums, your audience sees you as a standard.
On three – repeat the phrase: ‘I am a musical shaman, and pulsations of happiness pass through my body, which I transmit to the sweaty people in this dark hall.’
If you have repeated all the stages of the DJ quest many times, but still have not gained enough confidence to spin both turntables to full power, go down a few stages and try playing from cassettes rather than discs or vinyl.
Consolidation of the material
Remember that everyone can become a DJ, but not everyone will decide to make fashionable (transform) the artist you love. Put both your palms on the DJ console and promise that you won’t let the musicians you sincerely love disappear into obscurity.
According to the Big Bang Theory, the Great Explosion of discoveries starts right now.
Thank you!
