Category: Materialization technologies
How to Turn Your Life into a Hyperbole
“A hen who has laid an egg often cackles as if it has laid a small planet”
Mark Twain
You are holding a marvelous invention—a magnifying glass for hyperbolizing ordinary life. Forget the minimalism of “normality”! Enough of wearing Gulliver’s suit in the land of Lilliputians! You deserve more than a super discount in a metropolis’s hypermarket.
Take a maximally full breath and follow the attached instructions with utmost clarity:
Step 1
Extract the magnifying glass from the case of ancient mythology or advertising (or any other repository of hyperboles). The ancient Greeks, for example, instilled in us the optimistic notion that Olympus is just a stone’s throw away. Myth elevates to the rank of a heroic feat the general cleaning of manure in the stables of King Augeas. The reward for the hero of this Saturday cleanup and the author of eleven other similar labors was eternal “residence” on cozy Olympus and the hand of Hebe—the goddess of eternal youth. Modern advertising heats up this mythical belief in the endless possibilities of mere mortals to a scorching 99.9%. Perfectly smooth skin after applying a cream that turns back time—is that not the miracle of Aphrodites being born from the foam of beauty products?
Step 2
Direct the magnifying glass of hyperbolization onto your modest today. Be horrified. By how shallow the routine seems. Where is the ocean of possibilities and the boundless horizons of knowledge? What to do with the reflection in the mirror, least of all fitting the definition of a “photogenic appearance”? The sagging sofa also hardly resembles that very “place” for heroic deeds that is supposed to be in our lives (Maxim Gorky, author of the motivational play “The Lower Depths,” saw a Hercules in each of us). Bring the magnifying glass closer. Even closer.
Do you see the cute figure with a cup of tea on the sagging sofa? That’s you. Before you fall into the focus of the hyperbolizing glass. Very soon, this figure will acquire the sculpted contours of Hercules, ready to become the heroic “one” in a world of simple “zeros.” But first—basic training.
Step 3
Learn. Not, of course, what you have an aptitude for. That slippery path will unequivocally lead to mastering a demanded profession. We, however, are not striving to make the world better with university hard skills. The goal is the opposite. It is the world that should curtsy before us in a complimentary Forbes article, for example. Or burst into the ovations of a multi-million stadium, writhing in ecstasy at the first chords of the hit of all time. Obviously, the ladder of traditional learning (where everyone gets a diploma according to their abilities) will not lead to Olympus in an instant.
Enter the express elevator of crash courses teaching you anything. From pop vocals to business from scratch. Meet the instructor—a renowned infobusinessman with minimal social responsibility. Purchase an educational online product in shiny marketing packaging with a guarantee of life success and diminished educational value. Walk out with your head held high—a person who has “invested” in themselves and earned, or bought, the right to build a non-linear career.
Step 4
Scale your previous ordinary life to a new level. Professionally, with expertise. Essentially, that’s what all crash courses in anything are about: how to become the best version of yourself at the snap of a finger. No bosses “from above,” however wise and experienced. Quit. Only freelancing provides a sense of boundless freedom in the process of self-realization. We don’t dance with half-measures. Everything to the maximum. Any startup will do, since profitability is not the ultimate goal. It’s not hard to fancy oneself a business shark even at the very bottom of the business environment. To stimulate delusions of grandeur, use apps that function like hormones (essential, of course) for your rapid personal growth. Virtual trackers won’t let you lower the bar: monitor the soaring curve of personal achievements, identified by a dubious method of self-analysis.
Step 5
Find your Hebe for a cloudless family life. Your better half must be perfect. Naturally! The search operation can take place in the jungles of socionics or the thickets of astrology. An astrologer will force you to listen to chatty stars, not your heart, when choosing a life partner. A socionics guru will teach you to divide people into rationals and irrationals, introverts and extroverts. Based on this method, slightly more advanced than reading coffee grounds, a shaky construct of personality type compatibility is built. Every bride must be thoroughly tested (no other way to affix a socionic “label” has been invented yet) before handing over the ring, lest you accidentally fall for a Hebe the Beautiful instead of a Hebe the Wise.
Step 6
Head out with your chosen one to a concert-therapy, a mystery play, or any other pretentious event to propose. On stage, of course. Following all the rules of the show-art of growing a private biographical detail into the format of the event of the century with wide public resonance.
Step 7
Place a crown on your head that is noticeable from afar. Visionary, influencer, activist — social statuses with an asterisk, accessible to everyone. Self-proclaimed kings and queens troll their subjects—followers—from their social media thrones. For you, too, an extra chair will be found on the virtual Olympus.
Weaving a laurel wreath for your own head begins with a detailed listing in your premium profile of completed crash courses in anything. Post a romantic selfie with Hebe the Beautiful against the columns of Hercules’s homeland and a motto-quote from an ancient philosopher. Squeeze out profound advice-posts from yourself, a pseudo-business shark, on surviving at the bottom of the business environment. Wait for followers. For three years, or until you get bored.
Step 8
Return to the sagging sofa. Put the magnifying glass of hyperbolization back in its case.
How right Sergei Yesenin was: “The great is seen from a distance.” And upon closer inspection, it often turns out not to be so great after all. Before you race against self-proclaimed kings, make sure first if they aren’t naked, if they aren’t from a myth.
Dark matter whispers secrets only geniuses can hear.
Thank you!
