Magic is the pursuit of wholeness. Global confession of a global esoteric practitioner

We were joined by a practicing witch, Dorothea, who lives in harmony with forest spirits and possesses skills in candle magic.

— Esotericism is a special language. For example, there is the English language, which you can use to speak with people, and there is the language of feelings, the language of a certain inner search. We don’t only comprehend the world through formulas, right? Sensations, intuition—these are all real things, too. Well, esotericism is precisely such a language, the language the soul uses to seek answers to the most important questions. And at the same time, esotericism is such a cool tool for getting to know oneself. In this sense, esotericism is one hundred percent knowledge, just of a slightly different kind.

I resonate with one crazy idea, the concept that our consciousness or soul could have shattered into many fragments. And when we travel, climb mountains, seek new experiences, we are, at some level, precisely searching for and collecting these lost little pieces of ourselves. And they can be not only in different points on the planet but even in other realities altogether!

Speaking of other realities: those who adhere to conspiracy theories link the fragmentation of the soul to the launch of the Large Hadron Collider in 2008-2009. It could have caused a certain “shift,” after which we all now find ourselves in an alternate timeline. Of course, science doesn’t confirm this, but the idea itself reflects just how fragile our world is.

For instance, you and I, working for the same company, are also in the same egregore with its own rules and energy exchange. And all these languages, these systems, are given to us so that we may know ourselves in all this mad and beautiful fullness of the world.

— Unconditionally, yes.

— You know, your question reminds me of an old debate: can a person be taught to be a poet? Can you explain how to see the world through metaphors?

Well, esotericism is not a set of facts you can simply memorize. It’s more of an ability—to hear the whisper of intuition, to notice signs, to feel energy. So, when someone wakes up with the thought “I want to become an esotericist”—that’s only the beginning of the path.

And immediately, the most important question arises—the question of responsibility. Imagine this: a person reads a few blogs for a week and already runs their own channel “about spirituality,” not even realizing that their words could become that very stone thrown into water for someone, with ripples that spread very, very far. When you speak about things that touch the soul, you are responsible for it.

We are all very different. The same Tarot spread for one person will be just an interesting hint, while for another, it could become a trigger for a serious crisis. That’s why a true esotericist must sense the fine line: where support ends and intrusion begins, where help is, and where manipulation lies.

— Well, yes, that’s true. But there’s a plus to this as well: nowadays, everyone can find what resonates specifically with them. Some need a strict system like Kabbalah, others prefer light dialogues with Tarot cards, and some find themselves in astrology, studying cycles.

But all of this is united by one simple idea: beyond our everyday reality lies another one, deeper, more complex, and filled with meaning. And we need different “languages” to speak about it.

So, can esotericism be taught? Techniques—yes. To meditate, work with symbols, calculate numbers—that can be taught. But the most important thing—to hear the voice of your own soul—that cannot be taught. It comes only with experience, through personal joys and pains, through that very “human experience” which is our main school.

So, the morning impulse to “become an esotericist” is just great, but the path itself is a long journey to oneself through all the acquired knowledge. And on this path, it’s important to remain honest with yourself and remember that your words and actions can strongly influence others.

Or mindfulness techniques. They are the best illustration that the boundaries between “esotericism” and “science” are actually very conditional.

Unfortunately, in the current digital age, esotericism has become accessible to everyone. On one hand, this has spawned strange phenomena like “luck rituals” on social media; on the other hand, it has given thousands of people the opportunity to find “their own” language for talking with their soul. You no longer need to be an initiate; you can simply find a practice that resonates with you.

So, when I talk about esotericism today, I mean this whole spectrum—from ancient rituals to modern mindfulness courses. They are united by one simple thing: the aim to help us not lose ourselves in a world where the main imperative is to “do,” not to “be.” And in this light, 666 is not a scary symbol, but a rather friendly hint: “Don’t get bogged down in routine, don’t forget about something greater.”

— Well, look, if you have a new car that runs smoothly and without problems, why would you crawl under the hood with a wrench every day? You just get in and drive, enjoying the road. It’s the same with life! If a person is harmonious, happy, and untroubled, why would they dig into subtle matters? Let them live and rejoice—that’s the ideal!

But if a warning light comes on or there’s an unexplained knocking sound, what do you do? You open the manual and take the car for diagnostics. Esotericism is precisely that “diagnostic scanner.”

Most often, people turn to this scanner in two cases: when they’re “in a pinch”—a signal has been received that there’s a glitch in their deep settings—and in the case of healthy curiosity. And the key here is not to slide into dependency: checking once to see if there are any obvious potholes on the path—that’s wisdom. But when a person starts asking the cards what color socks to wear, they are simply handing over their willpower and right to choose to others, voluntarily sitting in a cage and asking to be fed ready-made answers. That’s no longer development; it’s spiritual laziness.

Esotericism is needed by everyone who feels an inner need for it. It’s like a headache pill—indispensable when it hurts, and completely unnecessary if everything is fine. Its goal is not to complicate life, but to simplify it, to return peace and clarity to you. And if nothing hurts, then so much the better, as you said. Your happiness and harmony are the highest spiritual indicators.

— Yes, there are people who call themselves that and work with what can be called the subtle planes of reality. But the essence is not whether they exist, but in how they work. And this is where the most important part begins.

We all constantly conduct an internal dialogue, and beliefs like “I can’t do it,” “I’m not worthy,” “It always happens to me like this”—in an esoteric sense—are direct programming of one’s own field. A person builds a prison around themselves made of the same unsuccessful scenarios and walks in this circle. That is the real “evil eye” or “curse.” Most often, we don’t even need an external enemy; we can manage it all ourselves.

It’s the same as with hackers: “white hat” and “black hat” hackers use the same tool, the same knowledge about system vulnerabilities, but intention decides everything. It’s the same here.

A so-called “white” practitioner finds a destructive belief and helps to “correct” it. Their goal is to balance, to heal, to give you resources so you can transition to a brighter “branch” of your life. They work with your will. A “black” or simply unscrupulous practitioner uses the same vulnerabilities; their goal is not healing, but control.

But you can’t work only for the “light”—this is the main law, the law of balance. Any force in our world has a reverse side, and true power is born not from choosing one pole and ignoring the other, but from the ability to hold this tension and consciously choose where to direct one’s will. A shaman who goes to the spirits for healing for one person might ask them for just retribution for another. They work not with abstract “good” and “evil,” but with the forces of the universe, which are neutral in themselves. And only the practitioner’s intention colors them in one shade or another.

— Ah, that’s an excellent question that immediately shatters the main stereotypes! We’re not talking about the Satanism from horror movies, but about a philosophical system, for example, LaVey’s Church of Satan. Well, if you look into it, their ideas are the complete opposite of the demonized image shown to us in films.

The essence of Satanism is not the worship of evil, but radical individualism and common sense. Satanists don’t perform bloody rituals or form cults. It’s quite the opposite: their philosophy is built on personal freedom and responsibility—it’s about self-development, not servitude to something external, be it God, the Devil, or any other authoritarian figure.

— You’ve very accurately quoted their key principle: “If you are a guest in another’s house, show respect.” This isn’t just a rule of politeness; it reflects the core idea: respect for another’s personal boundaries and freedom is the foundation of everything. For a Satanist, intrusion into another’s space and any form of coercion are precisely what constitute evil.

Respecting another’s inner world, not imposing one’s views, and not causing harm—this is not weakness, but a conscious ethical choice.

And you know what’s most interesting? For all its external outrageousness, Satanism turns out to be one of the most tolerant systems. It doesn’t try to convert everyone to its faith, doesn’t claim to hold the only truth, and simply defends everyone’s right to their own path. LaVey himself said, “Satan does not want slaves, he wants personalities.”

And this, by the way, perfectly echoes what I said earlier about different languages of cognition. It turns out Satanism is another language—one that speaks not of hatred, but of freedom. Not of destruction, but of respect for the personal space of every soul.

So, the “beast” here serves as a reminder: “Hey, stop for a second. Take a breath. Don’t forget that besides deadlines and mortgages, there’s still you, your feelings, and something greater.”

— A cult is always about community, about worshipping a leader or an idea. But Satanists (I’m talking about LaVey’s followers now) precisely do not worship anyone. They are radical individualists who live by themselves, in the material world, and they typically don’t engage in esoteric practices.

On the other hand, those who harm cats or dogs, supposedly as a “sacrifice to Satan,” are usually either mentally unwell people or marginal cults. By the way, real animal sacrifice is the domain of certain shamanic traditions, for instance—to obtain a major energy surge, one must place an animal’s life “on the scales.” It’s a complex ethical issue, but it has no relation to philosophical Satanism.

Now, about my favorites—tarot readers and numerologists!

Take cards, for example. There are Tarot cards, and there are the less known but very interesting Lenormand cards. Do you know that story? That’s the Mademoiselle Lenormand who predicted victories for Napoleon. She warned him about everything, but at some point, he stopped listening to her and ultimately lost everything. Well, her deck is very metaphorical, based on symbols from playing cards.

And all these cards—Tarot, Lenormand—sort of “suggest” answers to us because they are a huge egregoric system, allowing you to connect to an entire informational field. But to use them, it’s not enough to just memorize meanings; you need to feel the energies, see how one card changes the meaning of another, how they combine into a unique story.

And here’s the problem: nowadays, every other schoolgirl thinks you can become a tarot reader just by memorizing interpretations from the internet. This devalues the entire field. But in reality, cards are a subtle instrument that requires not memory, but genuine feeling and understanding. But good tarot readers do exist. And good numerologists too, but there are very few of them.

— Your intuition is the only compass you can trust unconditionally. Everything else is just a reference point.

Imagine you come to a person for help, but after talking to them, you leave not with a solution, but with a burden so heavy it’s hard to breathe. Because the practitioner doesn’t explain—they intimidate; they don’t offer a path—they paint nightmares: “evil eye,” “curse,” “spinsterhood curse.” Their words, instead of giving you strength, paralyze you. After the session, you want to hide because the world seems hostile, and you feel like a helpless victim. This is the main marker of a charlatan. They don’t heal; they cripple, so that you keep coming back to them again and again as the only savior.

Now imagine a different picture. You’re talking to a person, and even if the conversation is about painful things, in their presence you feel supported. They don’t promise instant miracles but help you untangle the knot of problems. They speak to you as an equal, don’t pull rank, but instead, it’s as if they’re shining a flashlight in the darkness, showing you: “Look, the path is here. And you can go around this cliff.” They don’t make you dependent; on the contrary, they put tools in your hands so you can manage your own life. After talking to them, there’s no heavy residue of fear left in your soul, but a strange, yet so precious, feeling of calm and clarity arises, an understanding that you can handle this.

The difference is in the energy you feel: one drains your strength and sows chaos; the other gently guides and returns you to yourself, to your own inner strength.

And another sure sign: a charlatan doesn’t care about you. Their “diagnosis” will be generic. A true practitioner will feel you, your unique situation. Their advice will resonate because it’s born not from fear, but from a deep understanding and respect for your path.

So, the main question to ask yourself after any session is this: “Do I feel stronger or weaker right now?” The answer from your body and soul will never lie. Trust the voice inside you; it knows the truth.

— Of course it exists. But it’s important to understand that it’s not always some complex magical action. Often, it’s simply a very strong, poisonous word said in a fit of rage.

Here’s a vivid example from life. An acquaintance of mine was so angry at someone who had wronged her that she even shouted terrible things at him in her sleep: “May everything go wrong for you, may your children…” And you know, that can also be considered a curse. It’s a powerful energetic emission of hatred that can cause real harm.

But there is also another kind of curse—a targeted magical influence, done, for example, through a cemetery. However, distinguishing one from the other is practically impossible without a proper diagnosis.

People often underestimate them. Even something as simple as activation by fire can be dangerous because you could simply burn your etheric body. It all depends on how that energy settles.

Really, the world of subtle matters is like a complex code. And you need to find the keys to it with immense respect and an understanding of the responsibility involved.

— All ancient teachings speak of the same thing, just in different languages—as if they are looking at the same mountain from different sides. The essence doesn’t change: harmony, connection with the Universe, the law of cause and effect. And yes, everyone must find their own “language,” their own “pill.” For some, it’s cards; for others, it’s prayer.

Is the practitioner responsible? Yes. And that responsibility is for the souls of those who have entrusted their pain to you. And you handle it because you remain not a soulless oracle, but a sensitive human being who remembers that there is always a living person on the other end.

— You’re talking about a very important and bitter paradox. People are ready to invent any god, any devil, any higher power—just to avoid looking the truth in the eye: I myself made this choice. I myself pulled the trigger. And this shadow lives in me too.

Egregores, gods, devils—they are all real, but they feed on our belief and our actions. It’s not them controlling us like puppets; it’s us, through our thoughts and deeds, who give them power and use them to justify our own darkness.

“‘The devil made me do it’ is the most convenient and cowardly myth, because if it’s the devil, then where am I? Where is my will? Where is my conscience?” It’s a magical way of self-annihilation: “It wasn’t my ‘I’ that did this, but something in me.”

But in reality, it’s simpler and more frightening. A person themselves, by their own free choice, decides every moment: to give in to envy or not, to unleash malice or restrain it, to inflict pain or show mercy. And all those who commit atrocities are not “possessed.” They are people who have voluntarily and with pleasure chosen the path of violence. They are not “infected,” because they themselves are the source of the infection.

And society is all too ready to believe in “possession” and write off monstrous acts as a “curse.” But as soon as someone takes up esotericism for self-knowledge, for seeking the light, they are immediately declared insane. Why? Because true esotericism demands one hundred percent responsibility. It says: “You are the cause of everything in your life. Your thoughts create your reality.” And that is the most terrifying truth. It’s much easier to believe that you are being controlled by someone than to admit: the helm has always been in your hands. And until a person looks in the mirror and says, “Yes, it’s me. This is my shadow. And only I can tame it”—nothing will change.

— Esotericism isn’t about experiments; it’s more about personal experience. If it helps you, makes your life better, more harmonious, then it works. You can keep an observation journal, but don’t go to extremes, as there are cases where people create illusions for themselves, so you need to be able to separate illusions from reality.

— On intuition, first and foremost. Dreams are also important, as are symbols and internal sensations.

— Things that cannot be measured by instruments and without which life loses its flavor: love, faith, inspiration. Especially the love between a mother and child.

Since childhood, right from school, I’ve had this conviction that everything in life can be calculated mathematically. I don’t know why, but I’m sure of it. I can’t prove it, but I’m certain.

When you talk about numbers, without even knowing it, you’re talking about numerology—the pure mathematics of the soul. And when you envision the harmony of the world, you approach sacred geometry with its golden ratio, which permeates everything—from galaxies to the cells of your body.

Quantum physics has revealed that the foundation of reality isn’t solid particles, but probabilities, information, mathematical relationships. What mystics called “currents of fate,” scientists call the “wave function.” We are simply approaching one truth from different sides.

The universe is perfect mathematics. It’s just that it calculates not only with numbers but also with feelings; not only with logic but also with meanings. Perhaps our task is precisely to learn to read these equations of the heart.

— To understand oneself and to live in harmony with the world. People have forgotten who they are and what power they possess. Some seek power through service, others choose a different path, but the final destination is the same.

But, to be honest, some of the criticism is fair. The market is flooded with dilettantes who haven’t studied for years, can’t feel energy, and take no responsibility. They are the ones creating that terrible image which then becomes the stereotype. And such “specialists” can cause serious harm—telling a depressed person they’re “cursed,” or sowing discord in a family with an incorrect interpretation.

The biggest myth is to think that esotericism exists in some parallel world. In reality, its foundation is the practical hygiene of consciousness. Our destructive beliefs, that perpetual inner critic—these are the real “self-inflicted curses.” Esotericism simply provides the tools to recognize and correct them.

So, essentially, when a person comes to “find themselves,” they are coming for soul hygiene. They need to take out the trash from their head, tidy up their feelings, and hear their true desires. And there’s nothing shameful or “schizoteric” about that. It’s simply deep-level self-work, a level which official science doesn’t always reach yet.

— It’s normal to be a skeptic, especially when the skeptic has sufficient facts. You don’t have to believe everything, but you shouldn’t deny everything either. Esotericism has existed for as long as humanity itself. What will the skeptics say to that?

— I think it will either move closer to psychology or evolve into a cult of everyday magic, where every other person is a witch. Given that practicing esotericism is currently “fashionable,” we are observing the latter scenario.

— Spend more time in nature. Don’t put life on hold. So many people from older generations regret how much they restricted themselves in their youth. There are also tools like meditation, gratitude journaling, and others. Stop feeding on illusions; stop postponing action. Want to quit your job and move to the seaside? Try it! What if it doesn’t work out? Keep taking action, take action until it does work out.

Things like that happened constantly. Once, while visiting someone, I described in detail to my mom the “man” I was playing with. It turned out he had recently burned to death in that very apartment.

At 16, I had my last face-to-face encounter with something truly supernatural. Another girl and I at summer camp arranged to meet by the pond. I went, but she wasn’t there. Closer to midnight, as I was walking around the lake, something jumped out of the bushes—it looked like a goat on two hooves? But I’m still sure it was a devil. It ran across the path, as if trying to herd me back into the forest. That’s when I got truly scared. Not of ghosts, but of the fact that my own brain refused to believe what was happening. I became afraid it would all turn into psychosis, and I consciously went to church to “close” this gift.

For a long time, my main tool was candles. Fire, living flame… there’s an ancient magic in that. I haven’t found anything better, except, perhaps, working with spirits—it’s the only thing that truly works.

Right now I’m searching, I want to move forward, not just be a “sorceress,” but to bring something truly important into the world. Perhaps I’ll create a new tool, and my student will continue the candle business under the name “Dorothea’s Candle.” Fire, it’s alive. When you look at the flame, feel its warmth, you understand: here it is, the real power.

You can even make a candle yourself to help yourself. It cleanses well, it brings thoughts and body into harmony and balance. We blow out candles on our birthday, and in that moment, we make a wish. It’s very powerful… Initially, we only had the elements: fire, water, earth, air, and only later did religions appear.

At first, you don’t understand, you feel: you see images, sense flows, perceive the world directly, without words. And only later, through these sensations, comes genuine knowledge—clear and precise.

But the catch is, not everyone manages to enter this state on the first try. I was lucky—I fell into that “hole” on my first try. But many are hindered by our perpetually busy mind, which chatters incessantly: “Okay, I should scratch my heel… Oh, what should I make for lunch tomorrow?… Must remember to text so-and-so…” Imagine the sound of an old TV when the antenna is poorly tuned—that’s the same kind of annoying hum in your head. Our task is to “pull the plug” and completely switch off that background noise, so that only pure silence and your question, the one you’re seeking an answer to, remain inside.

For awakening inner energy, something like Kundalini yoga works excellently.

Learning to meditate is like learning to ice skate: some need more time, others less, but the mechanism works for everyone. The main thing is to push through that noise, disconnect from everything, and simply allow yourself to fall inward. It’s precisely there, in that silence beyond the threshold of or

— You know, you’re talking about the most fundamental thing—about how, from childhood, our trust in ourselves is killed. And this applies not only to esotericism; it’s about our entire lives.

Take the “third eye,” for example… It’s not some magical organ. It’s our innate ability to feel the world more subtly, to see energies, read moods, notice non-obvious connections. Children can all do this. Their “imaginary friends” often aren’t so imaginary. They see what we adults have unlearned how to notice.

And then the system comes along and starts handing out diagnoses: “You imagined it,” “Stop making things up,” “That’s not normal.” The most terrible words are that it’s not normal. And the child, to survive, begins to betray themselves. They say: “Okay, I won’t see that anymore. I’m afraid of it. It can’t be.”

We ourselves, in order to become “normal,” wall up our own sensitivity. The worst part is that we then repeat this with others. An adult who was forbidden to believe in miracles as a child will similarly clip their own child’s wings.

The greatest magic isn’t seeing spirits; it’s having the courage to trust what you feel, even if the whole world insists it doesn’t exist.

The real tragedy isn’t that children see ghosts, but that they are made to doubt it. They lose the connection to their very essence. And many live their whole lives with their “third eye” taped shut, deaf to the whisper of their own soul, convinced that the world is limited only to what can be touched. And then they wonder where the emptiness and melancholy come from.